Zephyrous

zephyrous s

 

zephyrous magnetic comp

I wanted to do a contemporary ghazal, but I was having a lot of trouble with it.  Couplets, rhythm, and associational words seem to be the “rules”.

The monochrome image shows the base of a tree with a hole, like a doorway, through its base...

The Oracle helped me organize some zephyrous thoughts.  I also used Sue Vincent’s photo prompt, above, as inspiration.

Let secrets dance with air
surrounded by tree breath

Must time summon angels
to remember sacred clouds?

Embrace each flying star
lingering on dazzled breezes

Listen for the magic voices
that haunt the windows in the sky

Open all your portals–
wake up every forgotten ghost

zephyrous close up s

dVerse is featuring the ghazal form this month.  You can read lots of them here.

Also linked to Open Link Night.

28 thoughts on “Zephyrous

  1. First, as an imagist poem, I think it’s revelatory and fresh. Whether it qualifies as a ghazal, which has to have something of the spirit of ghazal or something of the form of Ghazal, I don’t know. So taking what I think a ghazal should be — a paean to love of some sort even a kind of drinking song, with different things pointing out different aspects in the varying couplets, I think this might miss being called a Ghazal. As a modern form of that poem, I wouldn’t think it needs to be that strict regarding rhyme, meter, or line length, In this poem, each couplet does address different aspects of ethers. What bothers me is a lack of parallel in the five couplets.

    Your last three couplets are imperatives, and so is the first one but in a different way that makes it not quite parallel. The second couplet breaks from all the others. Regardless of whatever poem scheme we’re talking about, “must time” makes me come to a full stop. This is a rhetorical question but it breaks the flow and introduces a non-poetic type of ambiguity for me. I like what you’re going for in this piece and I think you could tighten it up and make it better.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Gay. I hadn’t thought about the parallels, but I see what you mean.

      I don’t see love in a lot of the modern ghazals I read, but it might be my idea of love is different from the rest of the world’s. That would definitely disqualify my words in any case, as you point out.

      I am always editing. No poem is ever done.

      Like

      1. True and it’s just short of being really good. I generally like to emphasize the best in a poem, but then a poem like this comes along that needs a little fix, a little review, a tiny nudge to be something special and I can’t resist my red pencil. Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting approach through associations and use of couplets. I found the ghazal form hard as I had lots of unconnected association but there was one link or theme of my feelings when leaving. Not sure if that helps for yours as I like its mysteriousness.

    Liked by 1 person

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