From One to the Next (Part 2)

lunation s

She talks to
me but the voice casts
no words, just
spinning the
same sounds over and over
without an ending.

All at once
she disintegrates,
becomes air,
a shadow
overlapping itself with
illumination.

She seems lost
in a space beyond
time—alone
she dances,
an untamed ocean dazzling
color into light.

Bjorn has asked us at dVerse to try changing our point of view–I took a poem from 2018 written in first person and became the observer, watching the original narrator and attempting to describe what I saw.  I think I observe situations and animals or landscapes in poems sometimes, but not often actual people, because it definitely felt awkward.  Still, I think I managed to keep the original feeling.

lunation close up s

You can see the first version of this poem here.

 

17 thoughts on “From One to the Next (Part 2)

  1. Changing point of view is a good exercise, allowing us to explore alternatives and sharpen our powers of observation. I think the shift from first to third person works well, Kerfe, and you have retained the original feeling. Once you’re out of your comfort zone, it’s easier to do it again.
    I love the phrase ‘the voice casts no words’ and the overall effect of sound and movement in the poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The shift in perspective is interesting. I think the 3rd person version feels lighter, maybe because there’s just a shade less emotional intensity. I like the shifting images, like broken reflections in moving water, or shadow patterns.

    Liked by 1 person

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