you forgot
to tell me you loved
me, and I
miscompre
hended the missing words be
tween the lines, the gaze
held toolong
ingly—the invi
tations (so
benign, off
hand) that failed to penetrate
the walls I hid be
hind, clinging
to an imagin
ary ves
sel that had
long ago left me out of
range—I was not wise
in subtle
ty—only in retro
spective re
gret do I
understand the quandaries of
the roses you did
not give—re
duced now to sparse thorns
bleeding fu
tures that re
main unlived—flashbacks—heart eat
en out with whatifs
Inspired by ee cummings, NaPoWriMo asked us “to also write a love poem, one that names at least one flower, contains one parenthetical statement, and in which at least some lines break in unusual places.” I do those line breaks in shadorma all the time, so that’s the form I chose.
K. 
The way you’ve broken it up reflects the brokenness of the person left behind with their bleeding thorns of regret. Excellent poem, Kerfe and the image is just right for it.
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Thanks Jade. I would not normally put this many breaks in one poem, but it did seem apt.
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“bleeding futures that remain unlived”…oof! The heartbreak!
So well done, Kerfe. Perfect artwork too.
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Thanks Punam. Our past contains many unlived futures I think.
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Unbelievably good, Kerfe, or, maybe believably…
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Thanks David. I wonder if we don’t all have some variation of this in our past.
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so
me
of us
g
et
eas
ily con
fu
sed
so th
ere
: )
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You’ve nailed the form Neil.
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I had been going to say I like this as a poem, and I found the broken words laborious to piece back together. Then I read Lisa’s comment, and she’s right. The breaks do add another very poignant dimension to the poem.
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It was originally written more coherently. But this form does fit the subject. and also the way e e cummings writes, which can get tiresome, but is also sometimes surprisingly effective.
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Yes, you’re right, it does. I’m not a cummings fan at all, but your poem works.
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yes a very poignant poem indeed, loved those heart achy breaky words 🙂
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Thanks Kate.
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The word breaks were very effective! Well done!
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Thanks Muri.
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It’s a poignant poem., Kerfe. Echoing the comments above, I can see how the broken words reflect the person’s state of being, though it’s not something I particularly like in a poem.
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Thanks Merril. I would not have written it like this without the prompt. But it’s useful to try new yhings every once in a while.
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You’re welcome.
I think it’s great that you write to all these prompts, and somehow you make them uniquely yours!
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Well, I’ve skipped more than a few. But I’ve attempted to do most of them this year instead of just dismissing them as not for me like I usually do.
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Always so much to read between the lines…
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There is indeed. Thanks Ingrid.
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Ah… The whatif rose. So good.
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Thanks Manja. It never fully disappears.
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