Self Portrait #14: More Man Ray (Revisited)

man ray head shot comp

I started with a question, as I so often do:  what kind of alive am I?  A black and white head resting on a mélange of pattern and color—my mask, the face I offered to the world, was meant to be unnoticed.  Fade to grey, merge with the background, don’t draw attention, don’t stand out.  Could I change?

Alas, my clothing choices have remained much the same since I questioned them in 2016.  Black, black and more black.  A brightly colored scarf, perhaps.  I still wish to remain unperceived as I make my way through the world.  But now I wonder:  is alive only visible on the surface of things?  Or can we gift the world with rainbows from the inside out?

unseen waves absorbed
reflected transformed singing
colors dancing light

head shot close up s

For Kim’s dVerse prompt:  Snapshots of our Lives.  You can see the original post with the complete self-portrait collage, as well as the Delmore Schwartz poem that inspired my original poem, here.

My 100 Self-Portrait Project is still stalled at #21.

weather report

window comp s

After not venturing outside at all for weeks, I finally worked up the courage to take the elevator down to the basement and exit the back door, crossing the street to the park.  My apartment windows face Broadway and the view this weekend was especially chilly and grey.

I figured the bitter wind and drizzle, plus the early hour, would keep the walkway fairly empty, and I was right.  A few joggers, some dog walkers, a man with a shopping cart.

I could hear robins, and then two appeared on the path right in front of me.  I was in a different time and space.  The world had been returned to me in color, at least for half an hour on a Sunday morning.

outside it’s spring–
inside winter remains
trapped, unending

spring comp sFor Frank Tassone’s #Haikai Challenge #132, Coronavirus.

gossamered

dec moon shadows 3s

I hold out
my hands and wait for
the moon to
fill them—I
close my eyes to balance on
the edge of the light

I render
myself, quiet the
quivering,
awaken
the colors beyond darkness–
depths turned inside out

Shadorma for Colleen’s #Tanka Tuesday words, give and shake.  Photos are of last night’s full moon as seen from the sidewalk in front of where I live.

dec moon shadows s

Also linking to OLN at dVerse, hosted by Grace.

 

to cleave

to cleave wht s

Must faith be
blind?  Can we not see
the gaps in
all the things
we believe?  How our desires
paint what we know with

what we wish?
Can we still nourish
hope, can we
still see the
magic if we chip off the
layers of shoulds and

musts, if we
ignore the rules and
open all
the doors and
windows?  Can we acknowledge
that we will never

be certain
of what unspoken
forces guide
both our truths
and the other side of them–
where the shadows lie?

to cleave close up s

Amaya at dVerse asks us to consider the smoke and mirrors that surround us as we try figure out what’s really underneath it all.

cleave comp

Both photos were taken under the exact same conditions with different backgrounds–it changes how the camera acts, and as a result, how the light appears in the image.

Context colors everything we see.

 

Full Moon

full moon photo 1s

The sky is a mist of blue ghosts rising from the sea. The sky is a blanket of sparkling light that appears suddenly as if conjured by the fading horizon.  The sky is a layered curtain of shadow clouds that both disguise and reveal.

I sit without time, listening, watching. My body retreats from itself, my thoughts lose their words.  I am lost, dispersed, nameless.

full moon photo 2s

I become like the wind, seeking its reflection. I become like waves repeating their primal dance.  I become like sand searching for the spaces between.

I float, a grain inside my eye.

I dreamt I was the moon, a sudden seizure of oceans traveling the spirals of shells. I dreamt I was a relic from the sea, worn away into a celebration of return.  I became my ancestors, unburied and uncontained, released into the sanctuary of the cosmic coil.

full moon close up s

Sarah at dVerse has given us the prosery prompt “I dreamt I was the moon”, from Alice Oswald’s “Full Moon”.  I was lucky to be in North Carolina at the beach last week, where the moon was spectacular.  144 words and a few of my photos can’t even begin to capture the magic.